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 Michael H.                                   The Complete Bushisms

"You might want to comment on that, Honorable."
--To New Jersey's secretary of state, the Hon. DeForest Soaries Jr., as quoted by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, July 15, 2000

"This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases."
--Seattle Post-Intelligencer, June 23, 2000 (Thanks to Johnny Green.)

"States should have the right to enact reasonable laws and restrictions particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live."
Cleveland, June 29, 2000 (Thanks to Douglas Basford.)

"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against things. Anti-immigrant, for example. And we're not a party of anti-immigrants. Quite the opposite.
We're a party that welcomes people."
Cleveland, July 1, 2000 (Thanks to M. Bateman.)

"The fundamental question is, 'Will I be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard for me to verify that I think I'll be more effective."
In Wayne, Mich., as quoted by Katharine Q. Seelye in the New York Times, June 28, 2000

"The only things that I can tell you is that every case I have reviewed I have been comfortable with the innocence or guilt of the person that I've looked at. I do not believe we've put a guilty ... I mean innocent person to death in the state of Texas."
All Things Considered, NPR, June 16, 2000 (Thanks to Andy Nouraee.)

"I'm gonna talk about the ideal world, Chris. I've read-I understand reality. If you're asking me as the president, would I understand reality, I do."
On abortion, Hardball, MSNBC; May 31, 2000

"There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me."
On the coming Social Security crisis; Wilton, Conn.; June 9, 2000 (Thanks to Andy Mais.)

"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."
U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000 (Thanks to Alfred Stanley, Austin, Texas.)

Bush: "First of all, Cinco de Mayo is not the independence day. That's dieciséis de Septiembre, and ..."
Matthews: "What's that in English?"
Bush: "Fifteenth of September." (Dieciséis de Septiembre = Sept. 16)
Hardball, MSNBC, May 31, 2000 (Thanks to numerous readers.)

"Actually, I this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."
Ibid.

"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace.
That's what we were certain of. ... You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things.
We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for. ... We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low."
Albuquerque, N.M., the Washington Post, May 31, 2000

"He has certainly earned a reputation as a fantastic mayor, because the results speak for themselves. I mean, New York's a safer place for him to be."
On Rudy Giuliani, The Edge With Paula Zahn, May 18, 2000 (Thanks to Peter Goldman.)

"The fact that he relies on facts—says things that are not factual—are going to undermine his campaign."
New York Times, March 4, 2000 (Thanks to Garry Trudeau.)

"I think we agree, the past is over."
On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.)

GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb.I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of. I shouldn't call him my little brother--my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas.
JIM LEHRER: Florida.
GOV. BUSH: Florida. The state of the Florida.
The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer, April 27, 2000

"I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know."
On what happened in negotiations between the Justice Department and Elián González's Miami relatives, as quoted by the Associated Press, April 26, 2000 (Thanks to Saul Selzer.)

"Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis."
Meet the Press, April 15, 2000

"You subscribe politics to it. I subscribe freedom to it."
Responding to a question about whether he and Al Gore were making the Elián González case a political issue. In Palm Beach, Fla., as quoted by the Associated Press, April 6, 2000 (Thanks to Helen Kennedy.)

"I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California."
In Los Angeles as quoted by the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000 "Reading is the basics for all learning."—Announcing his "Reading First" initiative in Reston, Va., March 28, 2000 (Thanks to Carl LaRocca.)

"We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet the obligations, their obligations as teachers. We want them to know how to teach the science of reading. In order to make sure there's not this kind of federal—federal cufflink."
At Fritsche Middle School, Milwaukee, March 30, 2000

"Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads."
Fund-raising letter from George W. Bush, quoted in the Washington Post, March 24, 2000

"I've got a reason for running. I talk about a larger goal, which is to call upon the best of America. It's part of the renewal. It's reform and renewal. Part of the renewal is a set of high standards and to remind people that the greatness of America really does depend on neighbors helping neighbors and children finding mentors. I worry. I'm very worried about, you know, the kid who just wonders whether America is meant for him. I really worry about that. And uh, so, I'm running for a reason. I'm answering this question here and the answer is, you cannot lead America to a positive tomorrow with revenge on one's mind. Revenge is so incredibly negative.
And so to answer your question, I'm going to win because people sense my heart, know my sense of optimism and know where I want to lead the country. And I tease people by saying, 'A leader, you can't say, follow me the world is going to be worse.' I'm an optimistic person. I'm an inherently content person. I've got a great sense of where I want to lead and I'm comfortable with why I'm running. And, you know, the call on that speech was, beware. This is going to be a tough campaign."
Interview with the Washington Post, March 23, 2000

"People make suggestions on what to say all the time. I'll give you an example; I don't read what's handed to me. People say, 'Here, here's your speech, or here's an idea for a speech.' They're changed. Trust me."
Interview with the New York Times, March 15, 2000

"It's evolutionary, going from governor to president, and this is a significant step, to be able to vote for yourself on the ballot, and I'll be able to do so next fall, I hope."
In an interview with the Associated Press, March 8, 2000 (Thanks to Joshua Micah Marshall.)

"It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature.''
Los Angeles, Feb. 23, 2000

"I don't have to accept their tenants. I was trying to convince those college students to accept my tenants. And I reject any labeling me because I happened to go to the university."
Today, Feb. 23, 2000

"I understand small business growth. I was one."
New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000

"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road."
To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb.17, 2000

"Really proud of it. A great campaign. And I'm really pleased with the organization and the thousands of South Carolinians that worked on my behalf. And I'm very gracious and humbled."
To Cokie Roberts, This Week, Feb. 20,2000

"I don't want to win? If that were the case why the heck am I on the bus 16 hours a day, shaking thousands of hands, giving hundreds of speeches, getting pillared in the press and cartoons and still staying on message to win?"
Newsweek, Feb. 28, 2000

"I thought how proud I am to be standing up beside my dad. Never did it occur to me that he would become the gist for cartoonists."
ibid.

"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign."
Hilton Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000

"How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?"
Explaining the need for educational accountability in Beaufort, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000

"We ought to make the pie higher."
South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000

"I do not agree with this notion that somehow if I go to try to attract votes and to lead people toward a better tomorrow somehow I get subscribed to some, some doctrine gets subscribed to me."
Meet The Press, Feb. 13, 2000

"I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less, I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people."
ibid

"I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth."
Nashua, N.H., as quoted by Gail Collins in the New York Times, Feb. 1, 2000

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000

"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000

"This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."
Speaking during "Perseverance Month" at Fairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.''
Quoted by Molly Ivins, the San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 21, 2000 (Thanks to Toni L.
Gould.)

"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were," he said. "It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there."
Iowa Western Community College, Jan 21, 2000

"The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the house."
Des Moines Register debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000

"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses."
At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."
ibid.

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

"Gov. Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure."
ibid.

"There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be town-hall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is a huge country."
Larry King Live, Dec. 16, 1999

"I read the newspaper."
In answer to a question about his reading habits, New Hampshire Republican Debate, Dec. 2, 1999

"I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike. ... I believe we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society. ... And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't worked."
Meet the Press, Nov. 21, 1999

"The students at Yale came from all different backgrounds and all parts of the country. Within months, I knew many of them."
From A Charge To Keep, by George W. Bush, published November 1999

"It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about vice presidents."
Keene, N.H., Oct. 22, 1999, quoted in the New Republic, Nov. 15, 1999

"The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?"
Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more time in New Hampshire, in the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999

"I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."
On discussions of the Vietnam War when he was an undergraduate at Yale, Washington Post, July 27, 1999

"The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned first-hand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas."
To a Slovak journalist as quoted by Knight Ridder News Service, June 22, 1999. Bush's meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia.

"If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement."
Quoted by Maureen Dowd in the New York Times, June 16, 1999

"Keep good relations with the Grecians."
Quoted in the Economist, June 12, 1999

"Kosovians can move back in."
CNN Inside Politics, April 9, 1999

"It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then."
From a 1994 interview, as quoted in First Son, by Bill Minutaglio

=====================================================================================

Ami P.          TOP TEN WAYS THE WHITE HOUSE WILL CHANGE WITH LIEBERMAN AS V.P.


10) Air Force One to be renamed - "El Al Gore.".

9) Tipper to be referred to as "The First Shiksa."

8) Saturday Night State Dinners to be replaced by Sunday Night Chinese.

7) Inauguration to be completed with Breaking of Glass.

6) Problem: Presidential Baldness Solution: Presidential Yarmulke!

5) Every time "Hail to the Chief" is played, Secret Servicemen Lift Gore in Chair and Dance Around.

4) U.S. Never to pay retail again for Nuclear Warheads.

3) Federal Employees To Have Saturdays off for Shabbat - but will have to actually start working Monday - Friday.

2) Camp David relocated to Palm Beach.

1) In First Major Trade Agreement with India, New Delhi to be renamed Carnegie Delhi.

=====================================================================================

Ami P.                                  Clinton's Patch

White House staffers were perplexed one morning to see Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties on his arm.

Somewhat used to the president's tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks. The day wore on, several VIPs were ushered in and out of the Oval Office for meetings with Clinton about important affairs of the state.

Each one left with a puzzled expression on their face, but no one dared ask the President's personal business.

Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary, walked into the office between appointments and gently closed the door behind her.
"Mr. President," she said. "We've come to expect many unusual things from you, but we're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a pair of woman's panties on your arm. Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."

"On no," the President grinned. "It's a Patch. I'm trying to quit."

=====================================================================================

Steve

 One day in heaven, St. Peter called a meeting of all former U.S.presidents.


"Gentlemen", he said, "Several of you have requested some kind of transportation so that you can better explore Paradise and enjoy it's  wonders. So I've decided to give you all some kind of vehicle. The kind  of vehicle you get will be more or less appropriate to the time you lived  and will be of a type and quality based on the degree to which you were  faithfull to your wives when you lived on Earth."
   So, George Washington got a splendid carriage drawn by six fine horses  while Thomas Jefferson got a two-wheeled buggy and a swaybacked nag. Herbert Hoover got a Deusenberg, but Eisenhower got an army jeep.
  One day, Jack Kennedy was turning a corner on his moped and, after  narrowly missing Franklin Roosevelt's Volkswagen, ran smack into Lyndon  Johnson's Yugo.
   "What's the matter with you, Jack!" yelled Johnson, "Why don't you watch  where you're going?"
   I'm sorry, Lyndon", replied Kennedy, rising and dusting himself off, "
 But you'd have crashed too if you'd seen what I just saw. Bill Clinton  just passed by on a skateboard!"

====================================================================================
Robert B.

THIS is TRUE for 27 February 2000 Copyright 2000  www.thisistrue.com

WHAT? Deo Dubbs, 88, of Sarasota, Fla., has been arrested in a drug sweep, police say. Dubbs admits experimenting with drugs -- "I really have nothing else to do. I get lonely and get tired of watching the tube," he says -- and was arrested after allegedly buying two rocks of crack cocaine. He even carefully negotiated the price down with the undercover officer, police say. "I'm pretty well thought of at the Senior Friendship Center," Dubbs says, though the arrest may "spoil whatever reputation I have." That's the least of his worries: he faces a $5,000 fine and up to five years in prison if he's convicted. (AP)
...Buddy, if you think the tube is boring, wait until your cellmate dictates what channel you watch.

HOW? Presidential hopeful George W. Bush is following in his father's footsteps in more ways than one -- by following in his verbal missteps.
Appearing at an elementary school in Nashua, N.H., he told students "This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. This is what you do when you run for president. You've got to preserve." The students were actually observing "Perseverance Month". At another campaign stop, he told voters about growing up during the Cold War.
"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world and you knew exactly who 'they' were. It was us versus them and it was clear who them was.
Today we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there."
(Reuters) ..."The most important question to ask about education is, 'Is your children learning?'" --G.W. Bush senior

====================================================================================

Airplanes

An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers left, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Bill Clinton said "I am president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader      of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc.", so he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane.

The second passenger, said "I'm Antoine Walker, one the best NBA Basketball players, and the Boston Celtics need me,        so I can't afford to die" so he takes the second parachute, and leaves the plane.

The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said "I am the wife of the President of the United States, a soon to be New York           Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world", so she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.

The fourth passenger, Pope John Paul the second, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year old boy scout "I am old and frail and    I don't have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you take the last parachute.

The Boy Scout said "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you.  The world's smartest woman took my backpack."
====================================================================================

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