By Rex A.

During the past year, I have had occasion to spend more time in bars and other drinking situations than in the entire previous 13 years of sobriety combined. And I have discovered, very much to my pleasure, that the desire or temptation to drink simply isn't there.

If the venue is a noisy, smoky bar, most of my attention is focused on trying to protect my poor, sweet nervous system form the loud music and cigarette smoke. I hate, with a capital "H", shouting to try to communicate a few words to someone, and then straining and straining to try to make out their answer. I don't know whether I am deaf or what, but I watch the other people around me appearing to go through the motions of conversation, and I just don't get it. In any event, once I go into one of those places, my goal is to take care of "business" and then get the hell out. When I get home, my clothes all reek of cigarette smoke. What a turn off! In that sense, nothing could be better for or more reinforcing of my sobriety!

BTW, I don't recommend that you try this if you are in early sobriety! Stay away from "slippery places", for awhile anyway. Please.

As to restaurants and dinners where other people are drinking, it is just a non-issue, I don't even notice or pay attention to the fact that people around me are drinking booze...until and unless someone has too much and becomes unpleasantly drunk. But that is really a separate issue. And, as I have shared before, I don't feel at all awkward, apologetic, or defensive in asserting the fact that I don't drink. No one has ever pushed the issue with me, but if they did, that person would be permanently scratched off my list, and I wouldn't spend 20 seconds mourning the loss of the relationship.

My former (evil) boss and I had dinner on a couple of occasions. It was funny. We had exactly, precisely the same conversation both times, it was like we were reading from a script.

EVIL BOSS: Would you like some wine?

SWEET ME: No thanks!

EVIL BOSS: Don't you drink?

SWEET ME: Nope.

EVIL BOSS: Nothing?

SWEET ME: No.

EVIL BOSS: You are a teetotaler?

SWEET ME: Yes.

EVIL BOSS: Strictly?

SWEET ME: Yes, strictly.

Clearly, she wanted more of an explanation from me, and just as clearly, she was not going to get it. And it's not because I am shy or embarrassed about disclosing being alcoholic. It is just that I have a very clear sense of "propriety" and of boundaries. And it this instance, it was none of her damn business, and nothing would have been served by getting into a discussion about it.

Let me just state a principle from C[ognitive] B[ehavioral] T[herapy]: You are under no obligation to answer anyone's question(s) unless you are testifying in front of the grand jury. Of course, there are diplomatic ways to finesse, avoid, evade and refuse to answer that are less offensive than others. You can readily learn them. But the principle stands. Just because someone asks you a question, does not mean you are compelled to answer, or to answer meaningfully. Naturally, some people may be a little irritated when you don't cough up the information they are trying to get out of you, but that's their problem. It is your prerogative what you choose to share and who you choose to share it with, and that's the end of it.