It Just Keeps Getting Better

By Bill Mc.D.

Howdy Everyone:

Some reflections on a cold wants-to-snow kind of a Sunday morning.

Next week is my nine-months. I know a lot of people don't count their sober days/weeks, but I still find it helpful; it keeps things in perspective for me. Next Sunday, all things being equal, I will have been sober for exactly three percent as long as I drank. That's the kind of startling and encouraging stat that really helps keep a body going. Okay, that's a little depressing, maybe. It's more encouraging, perhaps, to realize that, as of next Sunday, I will have sober time amounting to 10.4% of Cal Ripken's now-infamous streak. Yeah, that's better….

A lot of things have changed in that pipsqueak amount of time. For one thing, I spend Sunday mornings reflecting on stuff like the previous week, contemplating the upcoming one, and engaging in other quiet pursuits like listening to music, reading the paper, and "updating my journal". (Hell, I still remember when it was called "keeping a diary", and it was something my little sister did, and was inordinately proud of….)

This morning I am also contemplating taking in a movie later with a very dear friend, providing the weather is kind. For too long, Sunday mornings started at 10:30 with a quick shower 'n' puke so that I could make opening time at one of the local watering holes. Sundays were a time of reflection only if "what the hell did I do last night?" is considered reflection.

My refrigerator has food in it. Food that requires actual preparation, beyond hitting the "reheat" button on my microwave. Food that might, god help me, actually be good for me, prepared properly. Okay, no real danger in that….

I find that I face up to things better than I used to. If it was ugly, I ran away, basically trying to wait it out. Not the smartest move ever: ugly things take root and get bigger when we try to wait 'em out. They're more patient than we are.

I am more patient with people, generally speaking. I still have very little patience with an obvious moron, but I'm also finding that those are fewer and farther between than I apparently thought previously.

I care more than I used to. I like to think I've always been a pretty nice guy at heart, but the only thing I really cared about, of course, was the next round. I have found that it's real hard to get that worked up over cranberry juice….

I think I act more like a friend now. (That of course is also made easier by virtue of the simple fact that there are fewer people I call "friend" now. I suspect that I found it real hard to get worked up over the problems of someone I just drank with every other Tuesday or whatever. Which, of course, is why the whole "bar friendship" thing is so flimsy. Everybody is worrying more about the next drink than what your perceived problem du jour might be.)

And I get through a lot of weird things without drinking. Lately, I get through them without thinking about drinking for the most part.

There are any number of other things that have changed as well, but I gotta save something for the big "1". Let's see, that'll be 4% of the time I drank. Or 13.87% of Cal's streak. It just keeps getting better, don't it?

Pax.

Posted 3/14/99

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