My Old Pattern, By Steve B.

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My Old Pattern

By Steve B.

It's certainly not my place to predict what will happen when someone else takes a drink after a period of abstinence, but I can relate my own experience.

When I was nearing the end of a sober period, the recurring thought that perhaps I was not really an alcoholic at all would come to mind more and more frequently. Eventually, I would convince myself that I could take just one or two drinks this time and I would try it.

Usually, the experiment seemed to vindicate my thoughts. I would have a drink and not touch another for several days. But the thought of drinking would not leave my mind. Although I seemed to be managing alcohol just fine, I was always thinking about when I would allow myself to drink again, and I would "reward" myself for being such a good moderate drinker by taking another drink.

This sort of thinking has always got me back into my old pattern after a period of from a week to a month.

I don't know whether my taking a drink at a ceremonial occasion would cause me to lose my sobriety or not, but I wouldn't want to try it. The loss of sobriety has cost me too much for me to want to risk it.

Posted June 7, 1999

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