By Shirley B.

<I am beginning to question how much my determination not to interfere with the pleasure of people close to me is generosity and how much of it is fear that they won't want to play with me any more if it's even a little trouble (smile). -- D.>

I know what you mean. But during the last few months I had this turn-around about that. And now I figure people are lucky if "I" sit there and tolerate their drinking and/or drunken behavior. Which I do less and less.

I'm on this bowling team now as a sub and after the game of course everyone wants to go to the sponsoring bar or restaurant and have eats and everyone else on the team drinks except me and my husband. Plus we don't eat all that fried sh*t anymore. We have not told them we are alcoholics, just that we don't drink anymore. Anyway, they are constantly making comments about what we drink and eat. Like being healthy is a disease or something. I guess they think we feel deprived.

I used to feel uncomfortable that I was making THEM uncomfortable because of my choices. Well, this is bullsh*t. I'm speaking up next time someone makes another comment on what I don't drink or eat. What I will say I don't know, but I'm sure sick of feeling like I'm the one doing something weird.

< I don't expect the world to stop for me.>

Why the hell not? Others think YOU should stop your world for them.

There are lots of drinking occasions I accommodate, but how sensible is it for me to spend lots of time around the stuff? Or around friends who feel horribly inconvenienced by waiting a few hours for a drink of it?

If you are just accommodating and not enjoying it, dump it. Now, you know, I had this problem too of letting go of old situations with drinking pals and how I thought I'd never find anything else to do in this town. I just stopped looking back. I stopped everything actually, and started to look at what "I" enjoyed doing and if I had to do it alone I did it.

I started talking to the ladies in the aerobics class more and now there are 3 of us who are good buddies at the class and we are gradually starting to go to other events together outside of the class. But this has taken over 6 months to develop so it isn't overnight. I even went up to the instructor the other day and asked her if she wanted to run in the race with me. The point being you have to be the one to reach out for the life you want. (Figuring out what you want is another thing entirely <g>)

For too long we have hidden ourselves behind, under, in, and around booze. Why stay with and around people who are still doing that if you don't have to. We are free!

How will these decisions shape and be shaped by length of sobriety for me?

Frankly, I think it has more to do with expecting and accepting nothing less than the best for yourself!!

Oct. 10 1998