My Excellent Expo Adventure by Craig Whalley

This report will be way too long, and way too focused on my personal idiosyncrasies, but I hope it will capture the flavor of my experience at the 2009 LifeRing Expo. We're all unique in our weirdnesses, but maybe some of you will identify with mine. I'm a nervous traveler. I try to plan everything so as to reduce uncertainty and my own anxiety about things going wrong. I'm also a cheapskate, which means I seek to cut costs whenever I can. So I decided to use a local airporter-type bus to get to the Seattle airport for my flight to California. The alternative was a small, 9 passenger plane that flies from here to the wrong airport in Seattle and then offers a shuttle bus to the right airport. It costs twice as much as the bus, although, of course, it saves hours of travel time. I chose the bus, which left here at 4:30 a.m. Usually it leaves at 6 a.m., but as it happens the Hood Canal Floating Bridge, which provides the handiest route to Seattle from my town of Port Angeles, was closed for repairs, so a different route, involving 2 ferries and a substantially longer journey, was necessary. I live only a couple blocks from where the bus left and I was all packed the night before, so I figured setting the alarm for 3:30 would allow me a leisurely start to the day. That meant, in order to get an almost-full night's sleep, going to bed at 8:30, which I did. But going to bed early doesn't mean falling asleep early. And being a nervous traveler doesn't just refer to the actual trip -- the anxiety builds as the journey approaches. Suffice it to say, I got about 3 hours sleep and was out of bed for good by 3 a.m. Getting up that early at least had the virtue of allowing me to walk to my bookshop, which is only a block from the bus place, and print out my boarding pass, which would save me a precious few minutes in case the bus was late arriving at the airport or the lines at the security checkpoints were long. The bus was supposed to arrive at 10 a.m. and my flight was scheduled for shortly after 11. I had armed myself with books-on-tape and on CD, with portable players for both, to pass the dark hours on the bus. I had regular books for when it lightened up. I started listening to "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver, but it just wasn't doing it for me. But soon enough it got light enough to read and I pulled out my copy of "When Will There be Good News" by Kate Atkinson and was completely entranced. The bus just disappeared for awhile. We got to the airport early, as it happened, and there was almost no line at all at the security check-in, so I had plenty of time. I finally allowed myself coffee, which I'd avoided along with any other liquids in light of the long, long bus trip. I had brought sandwiches to sustain me through the day and help me avoid the expensive (and almost universally unhealthy) airport food offerings. The flight itself was fine -- only about an hour and a half in the air. And the trip from the Oakland airport to Berkeley was easy on the BART system. The light-rail train doesn't quite go to the Oakland airport, but there's a shuttle bus to take you to the nearest station, and from there you can go anywhere in the Bay area. There's a station in downtown Berkeley that's a comfortable walk from everywhere I was going, including my motel. There are some nice hotels in Berkeley, but they've become too rich for my blood over the years. Even the Travelodge that I stayed in was a painful $100 a night plus outrageous taxes, but at least it was comfortable, clean and conveniently located. Gregg F., from Nashville, stayed at the local YMCA and I took a look at that on Sunday. Nice enough for me! And only $40 or so. Bathrooms down the hall, but it includes use of the gym. Next time, I may go that route. So anyway, I walked to the motel from the BART station, checked in and unpacked and rested a bit. I got a call from fellow LSRsafer Mona saying she'd arrived and would come by to drive me to a restaurant where, I hoped, all the LSRsafers would meet for dinner. Mona, however, got detained by traffic, so I walked to the restaurant, I had worried (a common state of affairs for me) that we'd have trouble recognizing each other, since none of us had met before, but that turned out not to be a problem since most other people at the restaurant were young and Asian. Soon other LifeRingers began to arrive and the talking began. Until you've experienced it, it's difficult to fully comprehend the nature of a meeting between online support group friends. Generally, we don't "know" them like we do real-world friends, and yet we DO know some of their most intimate secrets. We've leaned on each other in ways that we would be very reluctant to do in our non-virtual lives. When we meet, there's an immediate bond and a lack of barriers and the talk the ensues is all about filling in the large gaps in our knowledge of each other. For me, who even after 8 years of sobriety still feels pretty socially isolated, it's like gorging myself on wonderful food after a period of starvation. There's no pretense, no posing, just a bunch of people who care about each other and know one another at a level that is, for some of us, rarely experienced. Mona (she got there eventually!), Marie, Shauna, Barbara, Linda and I shared some very good Indian food and then left for Marty Nicolaus' home where he was having the official book release party for his "Empowering Your Sober Self." There I saw Robert B. from West (by god) Virginia, who I've known for years, along with others I've met before at LifeRing events. The lack of sleep was starting to get to me and Mona was ready to leave and offered a ride to my motel, so we snuck off together. She dropped me off at the Travelodge and that was it for me for day one of the Expo. More to come ... Despite my lack of sleep on Thursday night, and the comfortable nature of the bed at my motel, I slept solidly for only about 5 hours on Friday night before I woke up and struggled, mostly unsuccessfully, to get back to sleep. Still, despite my history of fatigue stemming from my stroke 4 years ago, I was never much bothered by tiredness over the weekend. I thought it would all catch up with me when I got home, but so far it hasn't. All blessings to my acupuncturist! Anyway, I arose early, listened to NPR and worked last weeks NYTimes Sunday crossword for an hour or so and then walked a few blocks to a place for breakfast, which I enjoyed with the San Francisco Chronicle (which has faded in quality along with many other newspapers, I noted). After breakfast, I walked to the site of the Expo, arriving just before 8:30. I was thankful for the "real" breakfast when I saw the array of pastries on offer. There was the usual standing around and mingling before the show actually got started, a situation made comfortable for me by the presence of so many people I knew. Those included Connie, fresh from her stay at a rehab facility, which was clearly difficult but left her looking positively radiant after 5 or 6 weeks of sobriety. She and Gregg F. weren't able to make it to the dinner on Friday night, but it was wonderful to see them on Saturday. The first workshop was led by Dru B. and was aimed at dealing with being a convenor, the LifeRing term for the person who does the organizational work for the meeting. Like me at LSRsafe, except of course most of the people there were face-to-face meeting convenors. Dru lost control of the discussion fairly quickly, as is typical at LifeRing events ;-) There were good exchanges about several aspects of convening, none of which I can remember. I really should take notes! After a brief break we broke up into several workshops. I attended one led by Chet G. on "Long Term Recovery in LifeRing." I didn't take notes there, either, but I do remember a number of references to one of my own reasons for staying involved after years of sobriety and no drinking impulses: the danger of forgetting. It seems impossible when your in the throes of drinking that you could ever forget how miserable it is. But I remember those pre-LifeRing times when I would quit for weeks or months and then slip backwards because I felt fine and must be "normal" now. Mona attended that workshop, too, and presented herself as a cautionary tale about the dangers of relapse even after lengthy sobriety. It was very brave of her, and also very worthwhile and appreciated, I think. Next on the agenda was lunch. A bunch of us trooped down Shattuck Ave. looking for a good place and landed at a Thai restuarant. Indian food last night, Thai for lunch and Chinese for the banquet Saturday night. All delicious, but longing for a nice green salad, or maybe a burger and fries, was taking root. Anyway, the lunch was delightful. Then we marched back to the hospital meeting room and heard the keynote speaker, our own Marty Nicolaus. His speech was a review of LifeRing and how it works. I was sort of fascinated. I've been involved in LifeRing for many years now, but I never do much recovery reading, including the earlier books Marty has written. And I haven't spent much time on the unhooked website, either. I've been a little concerned that I may have unknowingly deviated from the LifeRing philosophy. But I was extremely pleased to hear how my understanding of recovery matches Marty's. Since everything I know about recovery has been learned in LifeRing, this is hardly surprising. But it was interesting to me that I had absorbed so much information without trying. Marty did a fine job of summing up what LifeRing is trying to do. The presentation was filmed so I hope that a DVD will be available eventually. After a brief break, there was a pretty fascinating presentation by Dr. Emjay Tan on "Pharmacological Aids to Recovery." He talked about the bio-social-psychological aspects of addiction (I think that's the right combination) and how certain drugs can help reduce cravings, and how certain other drugs can help with the withdrawal process. I'll resist any temptation to go into more detail because I'm certain to get it all messed up. Suffice it to say, it was interesting stuff. After Dr. Tan, and another brief break, there was a presentation by Dr. B.J. Davis, who gave the keynote speech last year. He was sort of a combination of a Motivational Speaker and a recovery expert. His speech was very energetic and enjoyable and looked at the whole addiction situation from a different angle. He emphasized something that is rarely mentioned even though it's sort of obvious -- people drink and use drugs because it makes them feel better. Especially, he said, if they are dealing with painful or overwhelming problems in their lives. Of course, the alcohol or other drug then goes on to wreck the person's life and reduce their levels of happiness, but early on, drinking and drugging diminishes their misery. The problems that brought them to addiction, Dr. Davis said, must be a primary concern of the recovery process. AA and similar programmatic approaches fail to grasp this. I think all here know this to be true at some level, but even we rarely talk about the "positive" aspects of drugs. And the reason why that is so was illustrated at the Expo when one person in very early recovery said she fetl triggered by Dr. Davis' message. Highly vulnerable people find themselves only hearing the "drugs make you feel better" part and don't hear the "and then they ruin your life" part. There was a DVD available of Dr. Davis' presentation from last year. I didn't go last year and was skeptical of the value of a "motivational speaker," but after hearing him, I went out and bought his DVD. It's also available through the unhooked website. Following Dr. Davis, and another short break, there was a more-or-less regular LifeRing face-to-face meeting for those who wanted to attend, which I did along with most of the other LSRsafers. It was an interesting experience, but it's hard to know how typical it was, especially since there were 20+ people participating. I'm probably prejudiced, but I sure prefer the e-mail group approach! more to come ... So the final event of the Saturday Expo program at the Herrick Hospital meeting room was the LifeRing meeting. When it ended, it was time to head for the banquet, a regular feature of LifeRing Congresses and Expos. This year, in recognition of the economic situation and in the hope of attracting better attendance, the banquet was held in a non-posh Chinese restaurant in Berkeley, a decision with which I heartily concurred. Before leaving for dinner, the LSRsafers bid a very fond farewell to Mona, who, in typical Mona fashion, was off on her next adventure without missing a beat. Mona is, of course, much-loved and meeting her was a high point of the Expo for me. The restaurant wasn't very far away, but there were 2 cars among the LSRsafe contigent even after Mona drove off in the third, so traveled in style to the restaurant. There, we were a bit squeezed in to their banquet room and there was little mingling. On the one hand, events such as the Expo need to offer a program that attracts people; on the other, many of us would be fine with nothing to do except get to know each other better. Years ago, every second annual get-together was held at a isolate, delightfully rundown, church camp in Florida -- the type of place many of us spent time at during summers as teens. Those events were heavenly for the online crowd, since we mostly just wanted to sit around and talk. But, sigh, LifeRing wants to be taken seriously in the recovery universe, and that means more structure and professionalism and less foolin' around. So we talked while we waiting for food, but it was noisy and so conversation was mostly limited to those very nearby. For me, that meant Shauna on one side and Craig O., a Bay area convenor and one of THREE Craigs at the Expo. Two Craig W.'s! Dinner was not of life-changing quality, but, of course, it so rarely is. I got nice and full. Marty gave out some awards -- LifeRing Pioneers -- to those present who had started a new group in the past year. I got one for creating LifeRing Sober Living, an email group, which hardly seems award-worthy since it takes about five minutes on Yahoo and wasn't even my idea -- Patty G. from Florida gets credit for that. Still, I appreciated the gesture. The awards going to those who started new face-to-face groups were much more richly deserved. Starting a new non-virtual group can be very challanging. First you have to find a place that's cheap and available weekly. Then you have to attract some people to come to the meetings, which requires some PR, plus contacting the local professional recovery community to try to drum up recommendations. Most addiction industry people are, of course, AA-oriented and many are hard-core and believe AA is the ONLY way. Dinner ended with a few musical numbers, including Robert B. from West Virginia and Chet G. from Tucson (formerly of the Bay area and one of the founders of LifeRing). By then I was fading badly, full of Chinese food and wanting nothing more than to hit the hay. So I snuck out and walked the few blocks to my motel. one more part to come... Sunday morning dawned with clear skies and temperatures that would melt the heart of any Pacific Northwesterner coming out of our long, cool, gray, damp winter. Once again, I awoke earlier than I wanted to. I thought of going out to breakfast again, but after eating three full restaurant meals on Saturday, I had little desire for even more delicious-but-fattening food. So I made a pot of coffee and settled down with my book and NPR on the radio. It would have been a good time for dealing with e-mail, except my @#!$%! laptop had decided not to recognize any wireless connections. A driver problem, is my diagnosis. Not that I have any real idea what a "driver" is. I walked to the Expo, arriving about 8:30 a.m., just as others were filing in. I let myself have one bagel, although that was followed later by a container of what were described as mini-bagels but tasted more like frosted donut holes. I drank more coffee and subsequently made numerous pit-stops all day. The Sunday of the annual LifeRing get-together is always for the Delegate's meeting, where representatives of individual meetings report on how things are going and vote on any issues before the group and elect new members of the Board of Directors. We sit in a large circle and go around the room for the reports, which invariably run longer than planned and cause a big hurry to get through the voting so the meeting can end by noon. Fortunately, there was nothing controversial on the agenda, so debate wasn't hampered as it sometimes has been in the past. The reports were interesting, for sure, and it was good to hear them. There's quite a few differences between online and face-to-face meetings, obviously. Many of the f2f groups are quite small -- 4-6 or 8 members -- although some have up to 20 members. LSRsafe has over 170 members. Of course, all of the email groups have far fewer active participants than signed-up members, so in some ways the group dynamic is similar, with a relatively few people getting to know one another. Similarly, the various chat groups (ably represented by Steve S., from the Dallas area) have a core group of participants and a much larger group of occasional visitors. I reported to the other delegates about LSRsafe, also mentioning LSRbody and LifeRing Sober Living. I mentioned my concern with high volumes of e-mails perhaps being a hindrance to participation by some and requested ideas for starting new email groups with enough of a differance to spread people out a little. The f2f members' response was "why not just start a new group," which is what they do when things grow too big. But of course they can either stay in the same neighborhood and offer a different day or time, or they can start a group in a different neighborhood. Online, everything is available to everybody and it's hard to figure out a way of attracting people to a variety of groups. LSRsafe distinguishes itself from LSRmail by it's emphasis (some would say over-emphasis) on, well, "safety," which is a subtle distinction that draws people to us. I'm open to ideas for other distinctions that might work and offer more choices to newcomers. After reports from the delegates there was the adoption of a couple of motions (nothing of much significance) and the election of new Board members. Four people were nominated for four slots and elected unanimously. I assume the new Board members are listed somewhere on unhooked.com if you're interested. That's another thing I should have written down. After the election, the meeting adjourned and the Expo was done. Oh, but I should mention that Marty made clear that he wants to be replaced by next year with a new CEO. Not that's he's going to disappear, but I think it's fair to say he's had enough of doing the daily scut work (of which there is a fair amount, without question). He wants to focus more on outreach. There is no obvious candidate to replace him, so a slight shiver of anxiety passed through the group. So the Expo was done at about noon on Sunday. I had scheduled my flight back to the Great Frozen North for early Monday morning so I wouldn't face a mad dash for the airport in order to catch a flight to Seattle where I could make another mad dash to my bus and still not get in to Port Angeles until midnight. As it happened, Marie, also from the Seattle area, and who was very civilized and took the train, wasn't leaving until evening and was also free for the afternoon. And Shauna, bless her heart, offered to drive us around Berkeley for awhile. We had a very nice lunch (at the third restaurant we tried) and took a look at the Berkeley Rose Garden. Blooming roses in early May??? Toto, we're not in Washington State any more! It also offered a splendid view of San Francisco Bay and one of those spectacular bridges. Mostly, though, as I explained before, the three of us just talked and had a great time doing so. I got dropped off at my motel early in the evening, went to a little market and picked up something for dinner, and tried again to get a good night's sleep, an attempt which wasn't too successful But I felt fine the next morning, walked to the BART and rode it to the station with the shuttle to the Oakland airport and arrived plenty early. My plane, however, never left the ground -- we boarded and then were told it had been struck by lightening the day before and had to be checked over. It was suggested that we wait back in the terminal for what might be an hour. This was no problem for me since I had a more-than-two-hour gap between my ETA in Seattle and the departure of my bus to Port Angeles. But then we were directed to a different gate to catch a different plane and by the time we left my two hour cushion was pretty much used up. I left gate C20 at one end of the main Seattle terminal at 12:43 to catch my 12:50 bus at the far, far other end of the terminal. If I missed it, I'd have to wait 4 hours for the next one, if there was room. And, of course, the bus ride itself was 5.5 hours long. So this 61 year old ex-drunk walked/trotted/ran through the airport crowds, carrying one bag and with a knapsack (containing a useless laptop) flopping around on my back. I was very glad the bus had a scheduled stop at a Seattle hospital, just in case. I made it, just one minute late while the driver was giving his little talk about emergency exits and such. The bus was full of a group of 4th graders from Sacramento heading for some sort of natural history experience at Olympic National Park, near Port Angeles. I heard them talking about the Twilight series of teen vampire romance books which take place in my area and are extremely hot among young (and many not-so-young) readers everywhere in the country. I wanted to claim some connection to the books, but I was afraid I'd let slip my dismay about the utter lack of literary merit, so I stayed quiet. So ends my Expo Adventure. I had a great time and returned with much-renewed enthusiasm for the work that LifeRing is doing, and is trying to do. I hope all who read this will consider attending in the future. Craig