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Convenor Journal
An informal collection of news items, anecdotes,
ideas, and other miscellaneous contributions by convenors about
the convenor's life and work.
[Under
Construction]
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Dealing With People Who Relapse A
Lot
--- In convenors@yahoogroups.com,
"fibejebe" charli883@i... wrote:
"...The truth sometimes hurts but it is still better than a load
of bullshit. Any comments?" Fiona.
Not long ago, on LSRmail, one of our members who's been
struggling with repeated day-1's since first becoming involved
with LSR late last year, in referring to the response from
Ellesarians to his latest slip, put up a post which included
this line:
"...When I drank 9 days ago alot of lsr's said dont worry about
it, get back on your feet, move on. Should I still take that
attitude?"
My response is copied here:
___________________________________________________
What attitude makes the most sense to you, XXXXX? It seems to me
that somebody who's made a sincere decision to end the
admittedly devastating, suicidal lifestyle of active addiction
would not take lightly any episode of drinking, regardless of
the circumstances.
Addiction is serious business, and the only known way to arrest
it is abstinence. Lapses in abstinence, if dismissed too
casually, can become seen as inevitable, or "no big deal". The
danger in that attitude, of course, is that the lapses will
become more frequent and last longer.
When does one cross the line from being committed to recovery
and really making a concerted effort to change, back over to
being resigned to a life of struggling with alcohol? When does a
pattern of slips become nothing more than active alcoholism in
the form of periodic or binge drinking? I'm not sure there's a
clean line there. I'm very sure the danger exists, because
that's exactly what I did some years ago.
So, when I hear people suggesting that one "Don't worry about
it, get back on your feet, move on...", what I hear is "Don't
spend a lot of time wallowing around in guilt and embarassment,
by all means stop drinking immediately, and redouble your
efforts to attain stable abstinence." What I don't hear is "Hey,
no big deal, forget about it." It is a big deal. It's a failure
to achieve what you set out to do. It's a disappointment, a
frustration, a bummer. It's an indication that you've more work
to do, that there are things you might consider doing
differently. It should not be forgotten about, it should be
looked at very carefully to see what can be learned to prevent
it from happening again.
I guess I'd say the worst attitude one might assume in the midst
of, or in the wake of a slip would be, "See? I can't stop
drinking. I'm a failure. Screw it, it's too hard, I can't do
this, the hell with sobriety." A much better attitude might
something like, "See? I'm human, I'm not invincible, I let my
guard down and got bitten hard. But I'm not beaten, I'm going to
learn what I can from this and do what I set out to do for all
the reasons I know in my heart I must, if I'm to live a
meaningful life."
I would find it a bit worrisome that after a damn good period of
sobriety you drank, then about a week later you drank
again...that's a disturbing trend developing. Time to get
serious, if you're serious about sobriety. And I believe you
are.
_________________________________________________
And that about sums up my personal view on the question, except
to add that the better I know an individual, the better feel I
have for what attitude to take in my support of them. I,
personally, am likely to pay more attention and actually think
about what's being said if I get some straight, no BS talk (and
maybe a slap or two) from someone I trust and respect. At the
same time, I realize people react differently, and it takes time
to get to know what's the best way to get through to somebody.
When in doubt, I'll lean toward the "gentle" approach.
Rick Booth 5/30/03
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People
Develop Commitment Through Having Choices:
A Lesson From
Harvard Business Review
"A fascinating study found that
blood donors perceived significantly less discomfort when they were
allowed to select the arm from which the blood would be drawn. The
lesson is clear: people are happier and more comfortable when they
believe they have some control over a process, particularly an
uncomfortable one." (more)
By Marty N.
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A former Texas drug prisoner and now a
social sciences student, Patrick Brown submits this detailed analysis of
his former drug treatment program in the country's largest prison system
and makes some policy recommendations. Posted here for reader
comment. Please post feedback to the
author . PDF file.
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On any given day an estimated 900,000
people in the U.S. are in treatment programs for substance abuse.
Most of those treatment facilities have literature racks for their
patients/clients. Most of those literature racks carry only one
kind of literature -- the 12-Step kind. It doesn't have to be
so. (more,
with photos)
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The new chat facility is up and
running. In this article, I want to provide a short "how
to" technical briefing for online meeting convenors, a/k/a chat
hosts, who will be leading online meetings there. In the first
part I'll be talking about the bells and whistles that are available to
every chat participant, ... (more)
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